My boyfriend wanted to go out to the bar with some friends. I really didn't feel like going, so I told him I didn't want to go. Normally I'm a pretty codependent person so I would go with my boyfriend practically everywhere, but I have to start thinking about my mental health, my physical health, and my finances. Does going to a bar help me with achieving my goals? No. Will drinking help me with my mental health or physical health? No. Should I really be surrounding myself with tipsy, drunk people? No. Do I even want to go? No. I'm trying to save as much money as possible and do what I can at home. If I play my cards right, I can get my credit card paid off in 8-9 months, which will help tremendously with my finances. If I get my finances under control, that means I don't have to stress out so much about money. I can actually start saving up for a house, or my own car, or even go back to college and pursue a less stressful career. It does suck that the world does ...
I'm thankful for: Being alive. I may not be in the best head space right now, but I'm thankful that I can breathe. That I can get up and do things. That I can experience a huge array of positive and negative emotions. Yes, the negative emotion I am feeling right now is not the best, but I need to be able to feel the negative in order for me to feel the positive. I'm about to drink a tall glass of water and head to the gym and feel better. I'm glad I am able to do that for myself.
I ended up going out to the bars last night. My boyfriend was texting that he was feeling lonely sitting at a bar, so I decided to go out. It was a gay bar in Seattle with shit-tons of shoulder-to-shoulder people, as is usual on Friday nights. It was a bear bar, meaning lots of thick people, facial hair, and ravenous eyes. I entered the bar and I did feel like a snack, which lowkey made me feel super good but also super uncomfortable. Isn't it funny how that works? One moment I'm so depressed and I want to feel attractive, and the next I'm considered really attractive but I really want to just be left alone. Long story short, the night ended with us meeting two new people. There were five of us total, and we didn't get home until about 2AM. I was actually quite surprised I wasn't as grumpy as I used to be when I would stay up. Maybe that's growth? But perhaps that one hour nap I took last evening helped as well. I am also so so proud of myself because all I h...
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